A guitar photo
Flat
"Cool guitar"
Fix
"Is the guitar a skill or an accessory? Be honest."
Free sheet
The First Message Fix
10 boring openers and replies, fixed. One page.
Pick your edition. The examples and tone change.
The 3-part fix
Starting a conversation is not chasing. It's a small, specific signal that you're open to talking.
- Notice something specific: a photo, a prompt, a story, something he said.
- Add yourself: a light reaction or a bit of your own taste, not a quiz.
- Lane: end with something easy to answer: a choice, a tiny confession, a real question.
You aren't auditioning and you aren't carrying the chat. You're giving him something to pick up.
Three traps to skip
- The generic opener: "Hey" or "How's your week?" with nothing behind it.
- The interview: three questions in a row, with nothing of yours attached.
- The apology: "Sorry if this is random..." You don't need permission to say hi.
10 fixes
A "worst take" prompt
Flat
"Haha same"
Fix
"Pineapple on pizza is a great take. Mine: sequels are usually better. Defend yourself."
A cooking story
Flat
"Looks good"
Fix
"What's the dish? I can't tell if I'm jealous or just hungry."
A gym story
Flat
"Nice"
Fix
"6am workout, or the 6pm 'I should probably go' workout?"
A travel photo
Flat
"Where is that?"
Fix
"Where was this? And did you plan it or just wander into it?"
A dog on his profile
Flat
"Cute dog"
Fix
"Your dog's name is the best part of this profile. Is there a story?"
A weekend ritual
Flat
"Same lol"
Fix
"A proper Sunday ritual. Mine is a long walk and a bad crossword. What does yours look like?"
A flat "Hey"
Flat
"Hey"
Fix
"Hey. Tell me one thing that went well today."
You met in person
Flat
"Nice meeting you"
Fix
"I'm still thinking about [the thing you joked about]. Did you ever [do it]?"
Not much to go on
Flat
"Hi, how are you?"
Fix
"Quick one: coffee person or tea person, and why?"
Use only details that are actually there.
Check it before you send
- Is it specific to him, or could it go to anyone?
- Does it add something of yours: a reaction, a taste, a small opinion?
- Can he answer in a line without thinking hard?
If he meets you with real effort, keep going. If he doesn't, you don't have to fix it.
Keep it
A PDF copy for saving or printing. No sign-up.
Go deeper
This is one idea from the Women's Edition.
The full version is Chapter 3, Starting Conversations Without Making It Weird. Chapters 1 and 2 are free to read and listen to.
By Alex Brandt. One-time purchase, no subscription.